The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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