having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
