a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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