so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
