I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
