She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
