the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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