I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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