We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
