ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
