so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
