You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just blew my weed a kiss
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize