but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
