You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
