i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
