i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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