Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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