Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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