oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We just shotgunned beers for America
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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