I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
