i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
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There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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