Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
