Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
