are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
