Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
