I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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