literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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