First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I look better un-naked...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
