It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
