Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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