JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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