OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
