I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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