Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Alive.
So much puke
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
