I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
