i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My ATM looks so different sober.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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