Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
