I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
