He is an equal opportunity slut.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
