that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
