Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
sex in a hospital.. check
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
