I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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