The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
is that a dick in a sweater?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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