If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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