i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
