Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
