P.S. I can't hear my feet
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
