if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
