ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
