In the future we'll all be gay
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
