he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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