Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
