i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
