Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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