Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
