Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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