We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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