so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
