Pregnant stripper...not hot.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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