He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
