woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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