There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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