I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
