I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
