and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
