Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
