i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
