two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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