I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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