He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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