Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
