I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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