I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
