You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
and she was petting her beer can
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
