I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
