"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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