i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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