see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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