also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
