Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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