Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
