K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
And then he peed in my hair
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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