I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
