jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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